she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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