she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize