Got a toothbrush?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
