i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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