guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
