I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
