I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I would fuck him just for his dog
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
