My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
vagina is talking i cant
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
