Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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