he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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