Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
