quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
