Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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