Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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