Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You can't special order awesome
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Found your dick twin last night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
