it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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