I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
