: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
