I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
