overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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