i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
