I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
