he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
