Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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