this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
