It's like God shit irony all over that family
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
