Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
