I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
