I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
