If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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