You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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