We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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