I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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