I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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