how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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