What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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