can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
