u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
