My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
