hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
