Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
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Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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