does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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