Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
