He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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