somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
do herpes really smell.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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