also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
