I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
