Im at strip club and am horny
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
