I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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