Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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