He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
