remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
