1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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