Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
