Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
