we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
