I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize