There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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