and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I would fuck him just for his dog
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
