you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
