I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
