Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
