I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
