I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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