"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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