I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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