Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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