Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
