Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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