Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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