What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am naked and annoyed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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