Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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