Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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