its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
