Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
