Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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