bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
